Thank You, 2018

[December 31, 2018, 9:30 p.m.]

Ilang oras na lang, matatapos na ang 2018. Sa totoo lang, kanina ko pang umaga iniisip kung anong isusulat ko dito. Dapat ba mahaba rin? Anu-anong happenings ang kailangan ko i-highlight? Dapat ba may pangmalakasang picture din?

Ang hirap pala pag naiba yung plano mo sa simula ng taon, sa talagang nangyari ngayong taon.

Alam ng buong sambayanang Facebook na sa halos dalawang taong paghihintay, nagbuntis din ako sa wakas pero parang pinaglaruan lang kami ng tadhana nang agad din akong nakunan. Sa tatlumpung taon kong nabubuhay, yun na yung pinakamasakit. Yung masakit na hindi ‘arte’ lang. Dun lang umikot ang buong taon ko. Ang tagal kong sinubukan intindihin yung sarili ko sa gusto kong maramdaman. Pinilit kong maging masaya at maayos na para bang walang nangyari pero bumabalik nang bumabalik ang sakit. Nakikita ko na lang yung sarili ko na umiiyak at walang kagana-ganang mabuhay. Anxiety? Depression? Dumating na sa puntong naghahanap na ako ng psychologist/psychiatrist dahil hindi ko na magets yung sarili ko. Lumabas ako sa mundong ginagalawan ko. Iniwan lahat sa ere sa paniniwalang ‘mahahanap ko ang sarili ko’. Apektado lahat. Napabayaan ko hindi lang sarili ko, kundi pati ang relasyon sa asawa, mga kaibigan at kapamilya, trabaho, negosyo, extracurricular activities, at relasyon ko kay Lord. Araw-araw akong nagtatanong kung bakit nangyari sa akin to. Yung dating masiyahin at positibong ako, naging bitter, ‘bakit ba nagising pa ako’, ‘hay panibagong araw na naman’ at ‘kailan ba ako magiging masaya?’ Puro reklamo. Walang nakikitang tama. Isip ko, eto na ang pinakaputanginang taon ko.

Nung Pasko, iniiyak ko lahat. Kinausap ko rin ang baby angel ko. Lahat ng luhang kayang ilabas ng mata ko, inilabas ko. Lahat ng sakit at sama ng loob na meron ako, itinaas ko kay Lord. Anuman ang dumating, kakayanin. Maghihintay ng ‘tamang panahon’. Nangako ako sa Kanya na aayusin ko ang sarili ko… At sisimulan ko yun sa paghingi ng…

SORRY…

Sa lahat ng taong nasaktan ko o na-disappoint ko o nagawan ko nang hindi maganda sa anumang paraan dahil siguro naisip kong okay lang makasakit dahil nasasaktan din naman ako.

THANK YOU…

Kay Lord na araw-araw pa rin akong ginigising para iparamdam sa akin na mahal Niya ako at lahat nang to ay pagsubok lamang.

Sa lahat ng taong nanatili at nananatili sa tabi ko sa mga panahong hindi ako madaling intindihin at mahalin.

Sa lahat ng taong naniwala at naniniwala na malalagpasan ko to at magiging okay rin ako ulit.

Sa lahat ng taong nagdasal at nagdarasal para sa akin, sa amin.

Nagpapasalamat din ako sa lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko dahil nalaman ko kung hanggang saan ang kaya ko, sa lahat ng aral na natutunan ko sa mga ganap na to, sa mga kapamilya at tunay na kaibigan na laging nakasuporta at sa asawa ko na naging shock absorber ko pero hindi pa rin ako iniiwan (matindi ang helmet, napakatibay hahaha).

Dami ko pang gustong sabihin pero okay na muna yan.😁

Hindi naging madali ang taon na to para sa akin physically, mentally lalong-lalo na emotionally. Pero ika nga, “Life offers you a second chance. It’s called ‘tomorrow.'” Ready to give my best shot, take risks and have faith.

Maraming, maraming salamat, 2018!
2019, kaya ko ‘to!

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 🎉

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The Day I Turned 30

I turned 30 today.

Last night, I had a tall glass of craft beer at Long Weekend Cafe with Dear S and GF D.

I slept late on the night of the 18th and waited for the clock to tick 12 midnight. I wanted this day to be longer. If only I could stay up for 24 hours, I would.

I still got to wake up early at 6. Went downstairs to see our furbabies and get some lick and paw as a birthday gift from Logan, Cali and Bella. I was supposed to attend the 6:30AM Mass but I didn’t notice the time.

I prepared breakfast. My favorite bacon, egg and rice.

Driver’s license renewal

I was due to renew my driver’s license.Usually, I would tap my “contact” to assist me with my renewal but this time, I wanted to experience doing it myself. I was actually excited; LTO has been very controversial in the previous months and I wanted to know myself if change has really come. I made an appointment online (yup, you can do it here) the other day for Friday 8:00AM-9:00AM slot. I went to LTO Marikina at around 8:30AM and underwent medical exam (Php200) right away. I was also applying for change of name, civil status and address. When I submitted my application form and medical exam result to the front desk personnel, he rejected it. , unfortunately, bringing a copy of our marriage contract slipped my mind.

When I was younger, I remember I had an imaginary list of what I should have become when I reach 30:

  • have my own house
  • have my own car
  • have a huge savings
  • have a job that pays a lot
  • be married and have kids
  • be able to travel the world

If you ask any other teens, you would get the same answer. My goals were very generic. To be honest, I never really set very specific goals in life. Come what may was my motto in life.

The life advice I wish I could give my younger self is…

Never put too much pressure on yourself to become the person everyone thinks you are. You are not perfect, you make mistakes and you are a work in progress. Never, ever compare yourself to anybody!!! You are unique in your own ways. Do things at your own pace. Keep things light and simple. Don’t be so hard on yourself, girl! Subtract all the toxicity in your life. Don’t let those negative thoughts pollute your mind. Enjoy whatever you have and focus on your goals (make it specific, by the way)! In God’s perfect timing, everything will be settled.❤ #anGala #ClassyWanderer

Sunday Night

Nothing really special today. I realized t’s been a while since the last time I posted a blog. I just thought I could spend a few minutes before my laptop’s battery charge gets empty.

Hi. How was your weekend? Well, mine went by really fast but it seems to be fun.

Last Thursday, I decided to sleep over in our house. PJ was out of town so the house was all mine. Mwahahaha! So I told my mom about my plan. Friday night, my whole family (except my dad who chose tennis over me </3 hahahaha) came over and we had sotanghon-pizza-squidballs kind of night! My bro even baked brownies.☺

I just had a glimpse of how it’s going to be like when I get married probably a few months from now… Sa totoo lang, I literally cried over it when they already left and I was all alone in the bed. Not sure if I am not ready to be married yet or be alone with just another human being in another house other than my mom. 😀

I woke up early the next day. Mukhang hindi na ako namamahay sa aming bahay, which is good to know. Adjustment won’t be hard. I had shower then went to the market to find something to buy. Haha! You know what I got, 2 white towels worth 12Php each that I can use to clean our floors and 25Php Mongo Bread for my cheap breakfast. Damn. Spent 40Php for my two-way pamasahe!!! Luge pa ko. Hahaha. Should get my own bike. Hihi 🙂

When I got back, I cleaned the house—swept and wiped the floor with my new towels and cleaned the bathroom. How come I don’t do this at my parents’ house???

I had to settle with this small TV (with no antenna) that PJ brought from their house. The signal was really making me hot-headed but I still managed to watch KalyeSerye. Eto na pala ang “tamang panahon”! Kung kailan naman panget ang reception, saka naman ganito! I turned up the volume to 60 to make it more exciting. Hahaha! Screaming my lungs out nung nagkita sila!!! ❤ I’m not really a fan of GMA shows but this one really got me… Lola Nidora’s words were really wonderful. I mean, all people should watch this show. It’s not only about ka-cornyhan, you know. You’ll really learn a lot! ^^

I did a little video editing then I watched Big Hero 6. Oo, ngayon ko lang napanood. Nakakaiyak pala yun! The story’s really great. I wish I could have my own Baymax… 🙂

When the night came, I picked up my Yema Cakes and personally delivered it to some of my customers with PJ. Yey! ^^

Woke up late this morning, around 9am… Missed my bed perhaps? Haha. I had homemade pizza pandesal for breakfast. Then delivered the Yema Cakes again: Sto. Niño > San Roque > Rancho Estate 3 > SM Masinag. I then had my defective bulb exchanged at Wilcon then went to Robinson’s Metro East. Do you believe I spent my whole time there in Handyman, Japan Home Center, Daiso, MK Kitchen and Dept. Store??? Things really change.

I spent my earnings from my Yema Cake business for Homey’s mats, toilet bowl cleaner, ceramic jar and Lemongrass oil.♥ Still have so many things on my list. Tomorrow, PJ and I will be getting our very own induction stove! Weeee!

Hoping for a good week ahead. Good night :*